"The sea, she be a bitch" he thought as he dropped the main sail to try to regain control of his ship. "Y'arr, this be the big one boys!!!" he exclaimed in a wild yelp of a voice. Waves crashing down on the crew as they make haste around the ship, trying to secure all of the loose objects on deck. Suddenly the crew drops what they're doing as a massive wave slowly creeps on them only to crashing down, sending the crew and the captain into the black abyss that is the sea.
As the crew inhales their last gulp of life, they're tossed onto land. The crew continues to wash up on shore, what almost seems to be one at a time. The captain, already washed on shore, gathers himself and begins to walk the shoreline looking to find as many of his men as possible. "Y'arr, Billy! Where ya be lad?!" the captain hears nothing "Y'arr, if you're alive say y'arr, will ye?!" In different locations you hear "y'arr", the captain shows a little relief on his face, knowing his men are still alive. "We're lucky matey's! We washed up on shore, we did! The sea, she be a bitch!" his men yell out "Y'arr, she's a slut!" and other more demeaning phrases to describe the sea. They all took a minute to appreciate that they're alive, then began to ask the captain questions. "Where we be?!" one of the crewmates asked, suddenly a man appears out of the woods.
"You are on my island." The pirates stare in shock. "I am Count Whoseywatsit, and I own all of this land." The pirates all look at each other and immediately draw their swords pointing them at Count Whoseywatsit. "Why the hostility gentlemen. I wish to offer you female accompaniment as well as warm garments and a nice place to rest your weary heads." The pirates discussed the matter in a huddle and decided they'd stay the night. The count said "WONDERFUL" and immediately scantily clad ladies came out, greeted the pirates and escorted them into the castle. Right after the door closed, the women and the Count exposed their secret that they are all, indeed vampires. Shortly after an awkward silence the vampires attacked the pirates and sucked their blood.
When the pirates woke up in the morning, the castle was silent except for the faint whisper of a breeze coming from the ocean. Captain Tom Hart stood up, grabbed his neck, and looked at his men all strewed about the floor. "Y'arr men, we made the night. Methinks..." The men woke up and checked their necks. One of the crewmen asked "What happened last night, me neck be killin me!....Oh right....Y'arrrrr!" Captain Tom looked at him and said "Now ain't the time for questionin. Now be the time for leavin." The group of pirates exited the castle through the back door. Exposing them to a fleet of boats, from dingy's to yachts, and the group of men's eyes lit up! Tom pointed to a giant rainbow colored yacht, "There boys, there be our new vessel!" The boys mumbled to themselves, and Tom turned around and asked "What y'all be laughin about? T'is a beauty of a ship!" His first mate Bubba came to him and whispered "Y'arr captain, she be a bit...bright for a group of pirates such as ourselves?" Tom thought that Bubba may have a valid point. "Y'arr, tis true. But she's a beauty ain't she." Bubba turns to the men and signals for them to agree, and they do. "Ok, we'll man this one!" Captain Tom points out a speedboat with "Pocket Rocket" painted on the side. Tom and the men climb into the speedboat, unhook the tie in and turn it on. Tom's confused and excited when he feels the power of the speedboat's motor.
The scene re-opens with Captain Tom and his crew flying across the water at an amazing speed. They're all laughing, as they hit waves, and get airborne. They reach into the cooler on the side of the speedboat and pull out a couple of beers. They look into the cooler and realize that it's completely full of beers, and the attitude gets increasingly better. Now, 4 hours later, the boat is shut off, and the Captain and crew are all passed out. The boat is slowly being pushed towards a vacated dock, near a bunch of warehouses. The boat bumps into the dock itself and wakes up the Captain. "LAND HO!" he screams, waking up his crew. The crew reacts by standing and preparing to batten down the hatches, and things they used to do on the old ship. Sending some crew members over the edge of the boat, and into the waters. The crew gathers itself and ties down the boat. Now on land, the crew begins to discuss dinner plans. Nobody seems to be hungry at the time, and that concerns Captain Tom. Suddenly a group of young cheerleaders who have come to the docks to fish walk by. Initially the crew reacts the same way a monkey reacts when you show him that it's time for dinner. Then the men's faces turn very evil. They begin to lick their lips and when their mouths open, it reveals that their k9 teeth a growing. Captain Tom see's everyone's expressions and evaluates his own, then yells at the men "Boys! We seems to have a problem." The men look at him "Seems to me, that the castle we slept in last eve was one owned by a night creature." The crew looks to Tom with confused looks on their faces. "We be the walkin dead, y'arr!" The crew continues to give Tom blank, confused stares "We be the vampires, we are. We suck the blood of the living to live. It be a bad time gang a bad time indeed." One of the men in the back says "Bad time?! That means we're not going to have a good time!!" The crew gets wriled up and demands an explanation as to why they weren't going to have good times. "Y'arr, we be dead. Remember that time Righty Roberto came on the ship with that woman, and we labeled her the blood sucker and made her walk the plank?" The group replies "Y'arrrr!" "Well," Captain Tom says "We're like her, except we really DO suck blood. Y'arrr, not fun." The group gets quiet and looks at each other as they begin to realize what the Captain was saying. Then the crew chases down the group of cheerleaders and attack them. Sucking their blood and coming to terms with their current situation.
After the pirates sucked all of the girls blood, they decided that it filled the space where their souls used to be, but not their bellies. So they decided to go out for dinner with the money they took from the now undead cheerleaders. After a short discussion, they decided to search this new land and find a place to get dinner. Making their way down the dock, and through a metal gate, they look around and notice that they've found an inhabited land. Captain Tom told his crew to wait while he asks someone for directions. He makes his way to a homeless man speaking to himself. "Ahoy there. Can you help and old sailor find a place for food?" The homeless man stared and just said "hoodwink!" over and over again, confusing Captain Tom to the point of frustration. Captain Tom walked back to the crew, looked them in the eyes and said "Savages, all of em. We're going to have to stick together and find ourselves a pub to settle down in." The captain and his crew make way through the hustling crowd, looking for a place to grab an ale. They see a sign that says "Lesboland Pub", so they make their way inside......
To be continued....
Part 2: Vampirates In Lesboland.
