Rich’s Blog de Sexy

Ok, so it wasn’t even good Friday before I got the oddest bit of Easter info I think I’ll ever get. Yesterday, I found out, from an unnamed source, that my mother is “considering inviting me over for Easter dinner.” CONSIDERING! I lose her camera, and I’m out of the family? This all coming from the woman who actually enjoyed me coming over for holidays, when Eddie, Kim and Stevie weren’t there. You know, her new family. But get this….it gets even more fucking insane! My mom, is convinced (told from same source) that I attempted to poison her with the box of chocolates I got her on her birthday. That’s right everyone, my evil scheme is finally all falling together. I also got her Two and a Half Men, Season 1. Which I’m sure she’s terrified is just a dvd of a bunch of scenes that are known to cause epileptic siezures, if she even knows what an epileptic siezure is. I also got her a Jason Varitek Red Sox shirt, which I’m sure she thinks has flesh eating bugs all over it.

So here’s the rundown for those who have forgotten.
1) My mother is considering having me over for dinner.
2) My mother thinks I attempted to poison her using a box of chocolates I got her for her birthday.

It gets better. Bobby, my stepfather, is CONVINCED that I purposely lost their camera. He probably thinks I threw it in some GOOOOORGE somewhere.

So anyway, I go over to my mom’s house to get my brother and his girlfriend out of the house for a while. I go in, and she’s trying to fix her laptop…again. I begin discussing the lost camera issue. Now, realize, that my discussion is “I’ll get you a better camera, then the one you had.” And hers is “I want the same EXACT camera I had, I don’t cayah if it’s obsolete.” So you can see, we’re dealing with a rational person. Now this is funny because, after my argument, well versed and logical. She has the balls, WHILE she, my brother, and I are fixing her laptop, new desktop computer, and talking about her lost digital camera, to say “I want MY camera because…” now prepare yourself “I’M OLD FASHIONED!!!”

OLD FUCKING FASHIONED!??! WE’RE WORKING ON YOUR FUCKING COLLECTION OF NEW TECHNOLOGY, AND YOU TELL ME YOU’RE OLD FUCKIGN FASHIONED?!?!! WHAT THE HELL!?!? I mean, sure, I kinda brushed it off when you refused to switch to a cable modem, even though in the longrun it’ll save you money. And sure I brushed it off, when you guys refused to just get a new car instead of 3 HDTV’s, 8 Karaoke Machines, 4 Slot machines, 2 hot tubs, 2 Grills and 2 MORE karaoke machines. But POISONING you, and purposely LOSING your OLD FUCKING FASHIONED DIGITAL CAMERA?! WHAT?!?!!?!  I’ve come to the total, and complete realization, that my mother, and my step father are irrational, self absorbed, diluded, escaped mental patients.

F’n Easter, it gets suckier and suckier every single year.