One Month, Three Weeks...
"You lost a midget"
-Marc Lehane
It's probably true. Those damn lil guys must weigh, what...like 20 lbs each?
Wait...let me google that...
Ok, so f googling it, I'm going to assume that they weigh about 60 lbs each. Give or take the meaty lil fingers and toes weigh more than they look. Well, I'm smoothly coasting along the diet wave with the accuracy and determination of a drug free professional surfer. Cuz the druggies don't have that motivation, they just like surfin. I dont' just like being on a diet, I want to beat this diet until it's my filthy little bitch. And I am. I've lived on a "chicken and lettuce" lunches, ever since I found out that feta had sugar in it. I can't F with sugar, messes up the ketosis. (Stops burning fat, and starts focusing on burning the sugar)
So I went to Our House again this past weekend (Friday) for game 6 of the Celtics/Cavs series. This was the location where I had my first Jack/Water (the Artie Lang special). So I felt it necessary to stick to my newfound go to. About 5 rounds in, I realized...no, my friends, who just witnessed me drink these Jack/Waters like they were the cure for Aids and I was Magic Johnson, realized that I may need something with a bit more substance. So we call the waitress over and I have a small discussion trying to find out which was the best for my Atkins diet. It turns out Gin & Tonic was a solid choice. So I went with that for the rest of the night. Turned out to be a good choice because I ended up sleeping with 5 girls that night. Angela was at her Moms so I knew my bed wasn't being used...but it would be!!
So I'm in bed with two Brazilian chicks and a Chinese lady. She was a lady because she only enjoyed the missionary position.
So I kicked that chick OUT!! LATER!! Time for me to get my doggy style on!!
**Dream sequence end**
Whatever, it could have happened. Anyway, after that I went over to Brians house because his apartment contained better mariju...wee...televisions than what Ryan was offering me. What a great way to end off the night a few hi....tv shows, and a smile. Of course the most difficult part of the evening, was watching my friends enjoy those delicious burgers with their crosscut french fries, and their carbs and grease. Stupid skinny, healthy jerks.
The Celtics may have lost that specific game, but they won the series. My friend Ryan said that night (and yes, I'm going to quote him) "If the Celtics lose this game...they will NOT beat Detroit." I think he said that because he's going to be on the road for that series, so it's more of wishful thinking then a premonition.
Anyway, that's my lil update on my major weight loss. I think I'll post a picture sometime soon, I rocked my Cobra shirt to work today. (the one Bouff got me for mah burfdae) And it fits perfectly. 2 full shirt sizes different than when I started. Oh, and those pants I bought, that were a lil smaller than my originals...are already getting a bit large in the waist area. So who knows, you may get the "I can shop at normal people stores" post sooner rather than later. And one more thing before I talk about the awesome haikus...someone was 'nice' enough to ask me a question like I requested. Here's the question, and my response:
What's does it mean to be happy?
-anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You owe me an apology for such horrendous english. Unless you're one of the Brazilian bikini models I had intercourse with last Friday when Angela was at her mothers, you have no excuse. :P To be happy, anonymous, means you have what you need, and can obtain what you want. Or it means you just found out that tumor is benine, and that blotch on your skin is just a rash. Either way, happiness is what you make it.
Sincerely,
Rich
On a side note, Steve asked that I post the Jon Lester Haiku's that my friends (aka my blog readers) and I shared this morning in the wake of Jon Lesters no-hitter. (Jon Lester = Next Chuck Norris)
S. Graham:
Let's give Lester AIDS
So he'll find the cure and then
pitch a perfect game
J. Tilton:
R. Hutchings:
-Marc Lehane
It's probably true. Those damn lil guys must weigh, what...like 20 lbs each?
Wait...let me google that...
Ok, so f googling it, I'm going to assume that they weigh about 60 lbs each. Give or take the meaty lil fingers and toes weigh more than they look. Well, I'm smoothly coasting along the diet wave with the accuracy and determination of a drug free professional surfer. Cuz the druggies don't have that motivation, they just like surfin. I dont' just like being on a diet, I want to beat this diet until it's my filthy little bitch. And I am. I've lived on a "chicken and lettuce" lunches, ever since I found out that feta had sugar in it. I can't F with sugar, messes up the ketosis. (Stops burning fat, and starts focusing on burning the sugar)
So I went to Our House again this past weekend (Friday) for game 6 of the Celtics/Cavs series. This was the location where I had my first Jack/Water (the Artie Lang special). So I felt it necessary to stick to my newfound go to. About 5 rounds in, I realized...no, my friends, who just witnessed me drink these Jack/Waters like they were the cure for Aids and I was Magic Johnson, realized that I may need something with a bit more substance. So we call the waitress over and I have a small discussion trying to find out which was the best for my Atkins diet. It turns out Gin & Tonic was a solid choice. So I went with that for the rest of the night. Turned out to be a good choice because I ended up sleeping with 5 girls that night. Angela was at her Moms so I knew my bed wasn't being used...but it would be!!
So I'm in bed with two Brazilian chicks and a Chinese lady. She was a lady because she only enjoyed the missionary position.
So I kicked that chick OUT!! LATER!! Time for me to get my doggy style on!!
**Dream sequence end**
Whatever, it could have happened. Anyway, after that I went over to Brians house because his apartment contained better mariju...wee...televisions than what Ryan was offering me. What a great way to end off the night a few hi....tv shows, and a smile. Of course the most difficult part of the evening, was watching my friends enjoy those delicious burgers with their crosscut french fries, and their carbs and grease. Stupid skinny, healthy jerks.
The Celtics may have lost that specific game, but they won the series. My friend Ryan said that night (and yes, I'm going to quote him) "If the Celtics lose this game...they will NOT beat Detroit." I think he said that because he's going to be on the road for that series, so it's more of wishful thinking then a premonition.
Anyway, that's my lil update on my major weight loss. I think I'll post a picture sometime soon, I rocked my Cobra shirt to work today. (the one Bouff got me for mah burfdae) And it fits perfectly. 2 full shirt sizes different than when I started. Oh, and those pants I bought, that were a lil smaller than my originals...are already getting a bit large in the waist area. So who knows, you may get the "I can shop at normal people stores" post sooner rather than later. And one more thing before I talk about the awesome haikus...someone was 'nice' enough to ask me a question like I requested. Here's the question, and my response:
What's does it mean to be happy?
-anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
You owe me an apology for such horrendous english. Unless you're one of the Brazilian bikini models I had intercourse with last Friday when Angela was at her mothers, you have no excuse. :P To be happy, anonymous, means you have what you need, and can obtain what you want. Or it means you just found out that tumor is benine, and that blotch on your skin is just a rash. Either way, happiness is what you make it.
Sincerely,
Rich
On a side note, Steve asked that I post the Jon Lester Haiku's that my friends (aka my blog readers) and I shared this morning in the wake of Jon Lesters no-hitter. (Jon Lester = Next Chuck Norris)
S. Graham:
Let's give Lester AIDS
So he'll find the cure and then
pitch a perfect game
J. Tilton:
Lester and Timlin
went hunting with their bare hands
they caught a dragon
R. Hutchings:
Lester was the guy
that they based McGuyver on
duct tape no hitter
