Well, they say Haiku’s are good for the soul, and give you better mental results than yoga. Plus, you don’t look like a complete…um…hey Joe! Forgot you knew how to read there for a second. Eh, ok. So here’s the deal. I’m a moron and didn’t keep up with Haiku Wednsday blog transferring. Sorry if I’ve been dealing with the loss. (of the Super B….Super B….I can’t say it) Here are the Haikus, pictures included. (when necessary)
J. Tilton -
Dick forgot how
important Haiku Wednesday
is to all of us
R. Hart -
I can not believe
Dick forgot Haiku Wednesday
Now I am crying
J. Tilton -
I tried to score a
date on the internet once
Crazyblinddate.com sucks
Topics from 1/16/08:
The Fonz vs. Uncle Jesse
Things you wear on your feet
People that name their kids crap like “Destiny, or Nevaeh”
Phoenix Rivers, River Phoenix and Rivers Cuomo
Guns N Roses cover bands (not just about the band, also about the show)
Milli Vanilli
Triple Fat Goose Jackets
S. Graham -
River Phoenix thought
that only the good die young
Brad Renfro agreed
J. Tilton -
Once there was a fight
Fonzie versus Uncle Jesse
“Ay, ay” “have mercy”
K. McLaughlin -
Raiders TFG
My dad made me return it
Because I am white
R. Hart -
On Dick’s HJ list
Uncle Jesse is top five
The Fonz, only ninth
D. Hutchings -
during the summer
socks make my feet too hot
i wear childrens skulls
J. Tilton -
Milli Vanilli
had to lipsync all their songs
too much cock sucking
Thoughts from S. Graham -
I don’t know if this fits any themes, but I was just lamenting on how badly out of shape I am:
smoking weed is bad
for my heart, but quitting would
certainly break it
D. Hutchings -
Be careful Steven
When you write about ganja
Joe makes you feel bad
S. Graham -
I’m Steve with a V
Or Stephen with a P H
Get my name right, Dick
D. Hutchings -
I don’t really care
I’m trying to protect you
Pussy with a P.
J. Tilton -
My caustic haiku
about Dick’s weed addiction
really struck a nerve
D. Hutchings -
It’s a bad habit
like only wearing pink shirts
to pizza parlors
Bouff’s Contributions -
Why did Jesse get
way more punan than the Fonz?
I’m flabbergasted.
Milli Vanilli
One of them is dead and gone
He had the High 5
B. Fitzgerald -
Microsoft Outlook
Has sh!t the bed yet again
No e-mails all day
HEY LOOK, IT’S JIMMY!! -
Hey,
I have some off topic haikus for you to post
Lost cell Phone:
You found my phone why
Did you answer my text ? I
Hope you get herpes
Douchebag who doesn’t shovel:
Shoveled 2 hours
Civic took my spot day 1
Keyed side will rust now
Ok, this next section is very tough for me to post. This weekend that followed these incredible haikus was horrible. Horrible I say.
Topics from 1/30/2008:
We all live in a vending machine world, and I’m a vending machine girl….
WAIT!!!
That reminds me, IT’S HAIKU WEDNESDAY!!!!
OK, here are the topics:
Most obscure vending machine advertisement, using haiku. (make up a vending machine)
The ***** Bowl
Eli Manning infecting kids with aids (or effecting, depending on if you listen to T&R on bcn)
What the pig (our dinner on Sunday) is doing/thinking, right now
How much you miss Dito
Horseriding Jesus
Horseriding Jesus vs Eli Manning in a joust, riding pigs.
M. Lehane -
Jesus on a horse
Right through the stupid hick’s heart
Eli Manning is dead
B. Fitzgerald -
For ten dollars less
We get pig, mallet and knife
Way more fun this way
HEY LOOK, IT’S JIMMY!! -
Do I Miss DiTo ?
“Absolutely !” So much that
I “weep” every day
Cowboy boots and hat
No saddle, he rides bareback
He just lanced Eli
Off topic but i think it applies
Productivity
Not gonna happen today
It’s Haiku Wednesday
What’s that Marc? -
I meant to send this to you last week
Cream before sugar
Yo I don’t know, damn yo
I am so damn high
J. Tilton -
Eli Manning once
gave The AIDS to Rachel Ray
Damn I miss Dito
COMBO POINTS FOR Mr. TILTON!!!!!
S. Graham -
riding bareback and
lancing Eli: sounds rather
homosexual
R. Hart -
I call this one “Pigs”
DiTo used to bring
home some girls more suited for
roasting on the grill
J. Tilton - (I wish this were true)
Eli Manning has
AIDS, Cancer, and herpes too
God hates the Giants
S. Graham -
Each Wednesday all my
Co-workers wonder why I
Count on my fingers
R. Hart -
If Eli Manning
Gave AIDS to Uncle Jesse
Dick would be crying
D. Hutchings (in response to R. Hart) -
Uncle Jesse rules
He wouldn’t talk to Eli
I can’t believe you would even say such a thing, Uncle Jesse did NOTHING to you!! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!! Uncle Jesse’s a GOOD MAN!
M. Lehane -
You know what I like?
Neither do I, but it’s not
A Manning brother, they’re gay
J. Tilton -
Many hot chicks in
yoga class, reach nirvana
with a big boner
S. Graham -
A Dick that’s crying
out of One Eye is just a
Man Urinating
R. Hart -
He could also be
Climaxing like I do with
All of your mothers
Joe is stepping up to the podium:
This is Gino:
He is a hilarious individual. They show him on the jumbotron at Celtics games. He is Ryan’s real father. Got it? Now write Haiku about it.
R. Hart -
“Dad, you dance funny”
“I know, it gets me the chicks”
“Can you teach me?” “No”
J. Tilton -
Gino filled Denise
with his romance explosion
I just crossed the line
D. Hutchings -
Dad, why’d you name me
Ryan, instead of Gino?
Because I hate you.
Topics from 2/6/2008:
Valentines Day card messages for XXXXX (XXXX can be anything i.e. midgets, jews, whatever!))
Putting Babies in Microwaves
What a rainy day means to you…if you’re homeless.
Wheelchairs stuck in the snow
A NEW IDEAR I HAD!!
Start out the haiku with:
Elvis was racist
M. Lehane -
Elvis was racist
He hated Jews, but gave them
Valentine’s day cards
COMBO, M. LEHANE!!!
M. Lehane -
Happy Valentines
Can you smell my junk down there?
You little midget
J. Tilton -
Be my Valentine?
You won’t regret it at all
I love you Richie!
R. Hart -
Cooking a baby
In the microwave makes sense
If you are on meth
J. Tilton -
Elvis was racist
He stole rock music from Blacks
He died while pooping
M. Lehane -
You’re kitchen’s flooded
So is all your other shit
Because you’re homeless
BouFF -
Temple of Doom. WOW
Molderam took people’s hearts
Gave for Valentine’s.
D. Hutchings -
Sucks bout the cancer
Happy valentines day though
You are gonna die
Joe Tilton my love
Awkward writing this to you
See you after work
Elvis was racist
Spat his aids on jews, with pride
Not a nice person
R. Hart -
Elvis was racist
He didn’t like Marc Lehane
Wait, Marc isn’t black
M. Lehane -
That’s fair enough though
No one likes that Marc Lehane
I think he’s racist.
J. Tilton -
Poor li’l Jimmy Keith
while holding his new baby
tore his ACL
M. Lehane -
Could’ve happened too
I think he once tore that thing
When typing too fast
D. Hutchings -
I hear Marc Lehane
Drowns young chicks in aruba
Then blames Van Der Snoot
D. Hutchings -
Help I’m Jimmy Keith
ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh ahhh achooooo
Time for surgery
K. McLaughlin -
No more getting stuck
I have built a hover chair
Called the Handicraft
J. Tilton -
I saw a woman
fall out of her wheelchair, then
I saw Dick rape her
R. Hutchings -
To me it’s not rape
It’s the price she had to pay
Should have had snow tires
K. McLaughlin -
Look at this neat card
I made it for you, my love
Guess what? That’s not glue
J. Tilton -
I gave a card to
your mom for Valentine’s Day
thanking her for sex
B. Fitzgerald goes off topic! -
Out of ten urinals
Some douche bag stands next to me
Can’t muster a pee
M. Lehane -
Happy V-day man
Remember having a home?
Elvis hated you
M. Lehane -
Was something special
About that urinal, snuck
a look at your junk
B. Fitzgerald -
The back of the stall said
for manly love be here: noon
Shit, I got to go.
D. Hutchings -
Was your name on it?
Are you king of the forest?!
By the way, nice pubes
BouFF -
Baby in the ‘wave
BOOM! It will explode just like
a gremlin or egg
D. Hutchings -
You give me quarters
That I spend on bars of soap
Rain is my shower
A. Rose -
Oh golden showers
I have so much fun with you
I know you love me
D. Hutchings -
My warm golden stream
Splashes on Marcs waiting tongue
Who needs Sunny D?
BouFF -
OJ, purple stuff
Drink Dick’s own great Sunny Pee
Everyone enjoy
D. Hutchings -
I don’t drink the pee
I just share it with the world
One mouth at a time
K. McLaughlin -
Golden showers are
Slightly less gross than pooping
Still, use a toilet
D. Hutchings -
I take offense Kev
My stream is loved by many
And in no way gross
Now…to cross the line…
Soft, hot on your chest
I release with a struggle
Oops sorry I sprayed
Topic 2/13/2008:
Kev, you are correct. It is time for yet another Haiku Wednesday. This time, brought to you by the makers of AquaDots.
AquaDots the only game where the guys REALLY win!
Ok, so onto the topics.
-Roger Clemens and/or Yankees
-The old guy from the E Harmony commercials
-American Gladiators (old or new)
-Curt Schillings should….how it happened
-Barack O DRAMA!! (Obama)
First line of haiku, this week:
Black people love me
or
White people hate me
M. Lehane -
White people hate me
I am going to be Pres.
I am Obama
K. McLaughlin -
Clemens is a fool
He said he misremembered
That is not a word
No one has the time
To make up any haikus
Boy, work really sucks
J. Keith -
Get off your soapbox
Stop wasting my tax money
Clemens did steroids
BouFF -
Barack O’Bama
He’ll be our first black pres. YIKES!
Joe’s mom will stop him!
D. Hutchings -
black people love me
we’re both workin for the man
and hung like horses
Barack Obama
puffed on trees with homies
now he’s crazy white
S. Graham -
Obama’s Vice Pres.
Will be Mexican for a
Little insurance
M. Lehane GOES OFF!! -
Hulk Hogan hosts
Roger’s a gladiator
Well, he is juiced up
He slipped off the sink
Cranking one out to gay porn
Now he can not pitch
Schilling is injured
He voted for John McCain
Black people hate him.
Dude’s juiced up with drugs
Now he’s more popular
I mean Obama
Wonder wha’ happened
To good old fashioned racism
Don’t vote Obama
BouFF -
Black people love me
I rock my ballcap backwards
Dig my Timbalands
M. Lehane -
No pal you are wrong
It is for those there reasons
Black people hate you
BouFF -
White people hate Marc
He’s too urban for their tastes
They love Wayne Brady
D. Hutchings -
you never see the blacks
on eharmony commercials
dating sites for whites
yankees always juiced
too bad the steroids wore off
in 2004
K. McLaughlin -
Though all in good fun
Casual racism is
Getting out of hand
Don’t hate on Barack
The guy is a uniter
And only half black
M. Lehane -
People call you BouFF
Comic book “Captain Racism”
Was named after you
Black people hate you
But now that I think of it
White people hate you
Bouff -
Marc was a gangsta
Now he’s a dad with a wife
Sings Raffi at brunch.
Topics 2/20/2008:
-Brians neighbor (Cops found a ridiculous arsenal in his house. 97 knives, dozens of guns, and he was found “Balkus was distressed, wearing just a shirt and underpants while on his front porch, smoking and tapping ashes into his bare hand”)
-Lindsay Lohans noodie pix
-If you had a super power
-If pants were an option at work
-Uncle Jesse
First line:
I run in the nude
Ladies, I encourage you to come up with some haikus if you have the time. Yes, even you Ryan.
J. Tilton -
Ayyy, the guido bros
live next door to a psycho
who wants jaeger bombs?
K. McLaughlin -
Prescription drugs, check
Guns to kill zombie cows, check
T-shirt, no pants, check
J. Tilton -
Robert Frost once wrote
“Good fences make good neighbors”
Connie needs Kevlar
D. Hutchings -
all white neighborhood
David Balkus making sure
that it stays that way
R. Hart -
I’m not a lady!
You are! Wait, that’s my comeback?
Damn. I hate you guys.
M. Lehane -
Naked Lindsay pics?
She should make a video
Starring her and I
J. Tilton -
I think that movie
already exists. It is
called “two girls, one cup.”
D. Hutchings -
If Uncle Jesse
Made a porno with Lindsay
Wait…I just finished
BouFF -
Off the topic but…
Look! Marc and Raffi
made a movie together
But it’s not for kids
M. Lehane -
Hmm that’s funny
I thought that movie was shot
At your apartment
Who are you to say
that the movie with Raffi
Is off the topic
R. Hart -
I was so mad when
Lindsay’s number two missed Marc’s
mouth, and hit the rug
M. Lehane -
As it so happens
When the doo doo missed, I was
Secretly happy
D. Hutchings -
Marc and Raffi’s vid
Made me sick to my stomach
I watched it ten times
J. Tilton -
I heard that Dick, Marc,
and Raffi made a stag film
Called “No Pants At Work”
D. Hutchings -
Dick, Marc and Raffi
Did film a movie one time
Called “Three men, no lube”
R. Hart
I always thought that
Box of Sunshine was one of
Your mom’s porno films
BouFF -
If I had powers
it would be flames from these eyes
wait…that’s the Gunner
M. Lehane -
My super power
Would enable me to
Look like someone else
If I had that skill
Then you guys would never know
About my old movies
BouFF -
My film has 4 stars
Sharon, Lois, Brahm, & Bouff
“The Elephant Cock”
I run in the noode,
backwards thru a cornfield. Give
me your cocktail, FRUIT!
M. Lehane -
Uncle Jesse is
Rich Hutchings crush and also
is Brian’s neighbor
I run in the noode
In my movie with Lindsay
F Uncle Jesse!
K. McLaughlin -
Uncle Jesse vs.
Richard Grieco in deathmatch
Who will Dick root for?
M. Lehane -
Doing Rebecca
With Uncle Jesse watching us
Hey “Wake Up San Fran”!!!!!
DICK GO OFF!!! -
UNCLE JESSE WOULD
KILL YOU ALL BY LOOKING AT
YOU IF HE HEARD THIS
How dare you Kevin
Make me choose between idols
h.j.’s 1 and 2
Rebecca is pure
Like the white goo that splashes
On her pure poopshoot
I run in the nude
From the fridge back to the couch
I have no control
I run in the nude
Chasing nanas all over
STOP! LET IT HAPPEN
BouFF -
If there are small kids
you must wear pants while working
But not at NAM-BLA
M. Lehane -
Correction, Becca
Is no longer pure I did
her right in the bum
D. Hutchings -
NOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOO
OOO-OOOO-OOOO-OOOO-OOOO-OO-O
OOOO-OO-OOO-OO-OOO
Topics 2/27/2008:
So, as you all know, it is officially Haiku Wednesday, and I am ENGORGED!! Why are my pants so full of myself? Because this is a very special Haiku Wednesday!! We will have 1 MAJOR topic, and a couple lil topics. So, without further ado, here’s the first topic:
Lil Joe’s Lil topics will be:
Springtime
Convenient store experiences
Mark ass bustas, “trick ass” bustas, mark ass tricks, trick ass marks, an…oh my god…I can’t see. Ok, skip that topic.
Gangsta Daisuke (Matsuzaka. I swear if you needed clarification about who Daisuke is, you’re off the list from now on)
Kevin Faulks run in with the law…over ganja.
First line:
Rainbows and cupcakes
BouFF -
What an awesome start!
The whole world should see this pic
Humor made me P
K. McLaughlin -
Seven Eleven
Got twenty cents change
Gave to Chili Guy
D. Hutchings -
Daisuke bows to fans
But caps fools who don’t bow back
It’s shaolin bitch, what!?!
J. Tilton -
I bring joy to tikes
with my sweet songs and whatnot
Marc buys my albums
D. Hutchings -
Lil Joe wrote a song
to explain his 3rections
in, “everything grows”
Rainbows and cupcakes
I offer middle school boys
I’m a catholic priest
K. McLaughlin -
Rainbows and cupcakes
Are of no value to me
I prefer puppies
S. Graham -
kevin faulk smokes the
weed. but really, who doesn’t?
no one on this list.
HEY LOOK, IT’S JIMMY!! -
Rainbows and cupcakes
Faulk much prefers the latter
When he smokes his weed
Clare -
“Rainbows and cupcakes”?
You dudes sound like schoolgirls
Until the punchline
BouFF -
This is for all the Stonehill folks:
Rainbows and cupcakes
Are used by Pathiakas
To capture young men
J. Tilton -
Let us not forget
About our old friend The Chief
He loved the cheeba
HEY LOOK, IT’S JIMMY!! -
Kevin falk brings joints
And posse to rap concerts
I would bring a gun
M. Lehane -
Went to buy some gas
Guy asked clerk for 5 on 2
Punched him in the junk
K. McLaughlin -
Kevin Faulk got caught
Too bad it wasn’t Rivers
I bet he would cry
BouFF -
‘Lil Joe wrote a song
’bout doin’ his lost sister
called “I Didn’t Know”
Topics 3/5/2008 -
Topics:
Worst Spring Break locations
Matthew Thomas Fitzgerald
Re-signing Randy Moss (WOOHOO!)
and…this:
First line this week:
One time while in jail
M. Fitzgerald -
Oh superlatives
I cherish them more and more
Matt is the greatest
D. Hutchings -
Matt loves the children
So much that he tattoo’s names
On their hairless chests
J. Tilton -
Brian brings his gay
little dog to yoga class
look how gay he is!
Happy Birthday Matt!
I baked you a cake with love
It’s full of Kind Bud
K. McLaughlin -
Happy Birthday Matt,
From your good friend James Lipton
YOU ARE A DELIGHT!
D. Hutchings -
Happy Birthday Matt
I will come over tonight
You’ll toss my salad
J. Tilton -
Detroit’s a nice place
to send your kids on spring break
if you want them dead
One time while in jail
Matt felt a strange sensation
turned to be butt rape
Happy Birthday Matt!
Sorry about the butt rape
it will heal in time
BouFF -
One time while in jail
Bob Ow was raped 15 times
In 10 minutes. WOW!
Happy Birthday Matt
Mom and dad got way too drunk
You’re an accident.
Happy Birthday Matt
Don’t get too drunk tonight, and
make a little you.
Spring Break ‘39
Lew Goldberg travels abroad
1st stop: Camp @uschwitz
Spring Break ‘93
You’ve won a trip to Egypyt
but you’re albino!
M. Fitzgerald -
It is not butt r*pe
If it is consensual
It is just plain gay
S. Graham -
Happy Birthday Matt!
You’re very very very
very very gay!
J. Tilton -
Brian bites lip when
concentrating on yoga
and while making love
M. Lehane -
Girls gone wild, oh sweet!
Too bad it’s in fattyville
Big girls need love too
B. Fitzgerald -
five years of yoga
now I can support myself
with my huge member
R. Hart -
I also heard that
You can support a naked
Man with that member
I’ll take your word for
It, but Lehane said he wants
Some visual proof
D. Hutchings -
I heard that Brian
Held up houses with his rod
During Katrina
I also heard Matt
Held coloreds under water
During Katrina
K. McLaughlin -
The Tenacious D
Pioneered the cock push-up
Bri perfected it
Topics 3/12/2008:
Topics:
1 out of every 4 Teen Girls has an STD
Patrick Swayze’s (pancreatic) cancer
What St. Patricks day means to people of color
and
And first line:
On my ride to work
S. Graham -
That is not me there.
It’s my illegitimate
daughter Stephanie
J. Tilton -
One in four teen girls
has a sexytime disease
they got it from me
Steve dresses like a
princess and prances around
what a fucking queer!
R. Hart -
I am in the clear
Haven’t nailed a teen girl in
Over 5 years now
Poor Patrick Swayze
He’s not so lucky, some teen
Gave him the cancer
D. Hutchings -
On my ride to work
I came across some teen girls
It burns when I piss
J. Tilton -
Patrick Swayze will
beat the cancer easily
with one roundhouse kick
K. McLaughlin -
And then Wade Garrett
Will give it to Brad Wesley
With an uppercut
R. Hart -
On my way to work
I drove over some speed bumps
I mean homeless guys
D. Hutchings -
Stephanie M. Graham
Looks so happy in that shot
Two years later…aids
J. Tilton -
Saint Patrick’s Day is
not for white people only
Blacks love to get drunk
K. McLaughlin -
It’s all fun and games
Till someone gets the VD
Stupid spoiled whores
Clare -
Eliot Spitzer
Also loved the teenaged whores
The poor schmuck resigned
D. Hutchings -
Eliot paid whores
to perform a move he called
the Spitzer Spritzer
J. Tilton -
On my ride to work
I listen to O and A
Space Shuttlendeavourrrrrrrrrr
D. Hutchings -
Space shuttleendeavoorrrrr
Is made up of old parts from
Space shuttlechallengerrrrr
M. Lehane -
On my ride to work
I ran into Kevin Faulk
We smoked some good Weed
K. McLaughlin -
Often we forget
Black people are Irish too
Like Tracy McGrady
BouFF -
Just got out of an awesome 2 hr meeting so here’s everything for my delay:
Twenty Five Percent
Of little girls are tainted
The blue witch is clean.
Dirty little girls
Matt’s dressed as the Pokeman
Mission: Get Teen-A1DS
On my ride to work
Asian folks caused a car crash
BIG Fucking surprise.
On my ride to work
I hit a bum with my car
Bums don’t have feelings
J. Tilton -
Why is that NASCAR
M & M kid so happy?
Just nailed Stephanie
R. Hutchings -
That young NASCAR boy
Isn’t happy he nailed Steph
He’s psyched it’s over
Stephanie’s skin tone
Just isn’t right. We all know,
Stephen hates the blacks
R. Hart -
He should have went for
the witch. Her sexy posing
gives me a boner
M. Lehane -
I once saw weed sold
during my eighth grade gym class
Now candy is banned?
D. Hutchings -
You once saw it sold
I’m selling it this minute
In 8th grade gym class
M. Lehane -
Really, what the F
Exactly is OMG,
Overgrown Man Gym?
K. McLaughlin -
Overgrown Man Gym
Would be a great song title
With Marc’s permission
M. Lehane -
I’m more than ok
But this new song must be sung
With my friend Raffi
BouFF -
O-M-G stands for
Oversized mamory glands
I think Joe has that.
NEW TOPIC IDEA, MIDSTREAM!!
Idea for topic
Just what does the OMG
Do and Dick’s role there
J. Tilton -
OMG stands for
Ow, My Groin! Dick’s job is to
get hit in the junk
D. Hutchings -
OMG’s simply
a software consortium
I manage the office
Instron’s great logo
Is a guy holding a shaft
Explains why Marc’s there
OMG’s healthcare
Doesn’t cover broken junk
No baby Hutchings’
M. Lehane -
You are way off Dick
Instrons logo is not that
Cuz there are two guys
D. Hutchings -
Two guys rubbin swords
Is more gay than one guy
Playing with his sword
M. Lehane -
No asshole they are
Getting in position for
The Eiffel Tower
D. Hutchings -
A Senior Service
Account Representative
I hate you so much
Servicing ’seniors’
Marc’s profession and hobby
Soon he will be one
D. Hutchings -
On my way to work
I saw Joe doing yoga
Staring at Marc’s ass
J. Tilton -
Thousands of years ago
Asians invented Haiku
To insult Richie
D. Hutchings -
It’s for that reason
I hate asians to this day
How’d they even know?
K. McLaughlin -
Don’t worry Richie
GM makes cars so that they
Get in accidents
J. Tilton -
I’m not going to
Dick’s birthday party because
He is not my friend
(Joe ended up coming out for my birthday…because, whether he likes it or not, he’s my friend. It’s too late now. And since we’re friends, here’s Joe at a recent yoga class)
Sorry Joe, had to.
Now this is funny because, after my argument, well versed and logical. She has the balls, WHILE she, my brother, and I are fixing her laptop, new desktop computer, and talking about her lost digital camera, to say “I want MY camera because…” now prepare yourself “I’M OLD FASHIONED!!!”