Vampirates in Lesboland.
The pirates are seated in a corner booth looking around at all of the women they're surrounded by. "Y'arr boys, this be the women haven of this island. These are a savage people, be aware mateys." Captain Tom told his crewmates. "Y'arr" they replied. Then the waitress made her wayover to the crew. "Y'arr! Hi, my name is Lisa and I'll be your waitress. Can I get you guys a beer?" Captain Tom looked up and said "Wench, we require a round of ales for my weary shipmates." Lisa wrote down their order. "Can I get you guys some bar foods? We have Rosie O'Donnell cakes, Ellen Degeneres donuts, which are 2 donuts pressed together with icing inbetween them. And my personal favorite, Anne Hache tuna spaceships, which is tuna on mini-bagels." "Just ales for my mateys!" Captain Tom said. Lisa nods and walks off.
Waiting for their beers, the Pirates decided to send "Balsac O'Connell" the deckhand over to gather some women for the men to choose from. Balsac, being the lowest ranked person on the ship, had no other option but to take the orders. So, he walked up to a group of women with nice mullets and flannel shirts on. He walks over and says "What's y'arr signs?" the biggest woman of the group moved to the front of the group to personally reply to this inquiry by Balsac. "Try that line on someone in your league." the big butch woman asked. Balsac looked at the woman and the group "Y'arr, on the ship, we be callin that wanker blocking. Why do ye ladies let this giant man speak for you. Don't ye have a mind of ye own? Well, speak wenches!" The women immediately poured all of their drinks on Balsac. Ashamed, Balsac walked back to his shipmates who were still seated, but laughing hysterically.
"You really have a way with the wenches Balsac." Captain Tom said jokingly. "Y'arr, the giant man stepped in front of them and wanker blocked me yet again. Y'arr(sadly)." Captain Tom points at another one of his crewmates, and a group of women chatting it up in the corner. "Ye, prove yerself worthy, or ye be takin Balsac's job." The new crewmate made his way over to the group of women and presented himself on their table. "EWWWWW GET THAT OFF OF OUR TABLE!" one of the women screeched. The big lady from the last group made her way over to the new shipmate. "Get that breakfast link off of the ladies table." she said. The shipmate looked up turned to the giant lady and said "What are ye jealous that mine is the size of a great white and yours is nothing but a flounder?" The giant lady landed an uppercut sending the sailor into the pool table, wiener still exposed. "ATTACK!" Captain Tom yelled out, then the crew attacked the giant lady.
****OUTSIDE OF THE BAR****
"Y'arr, that man has a hell of a right hook." Captain Tom says as he's rubbing his chin. Then you see the rest of the crew all bloody and bruised. "Y'arr captain, that large man was a woman. Y'arr." Balsac said as he gripped his ribs. "T'was?" Captain Tom said. "Aye" Balsac replied. Captain Tom stands up and brushes himself off and shakes his head in disbelief then says "All of them, they all be savages." One of the crewmen steps up and asks Captain Tom "Y'arr, we be vampirates, why didn't we just suck their blood?" Captain Tom looks at him and says "Y'arr, half of them must have already been vampires, they were already sucking each others blood out of their necks. Let's find a place to rest our heads for this eve. Then...we eat!!!" "Y'AAAARRRRRR!!!!!" the men yelled out in joy.
To be continued....
Next episode: Vampirates Meet Magic Johnson
