The Eagle doesn't work. And neither does The Eagle.
When The Eagle was in his teens, (his exact age is unknown) he knew that coming across situations that would reward him with coffee and cigarettes wasn't going to be easy. He thought that maybe it's time he get's a job, just for his essentials. So The Eagle made his rounds, going from store to store, looking for an easy job that paid well enough for his supplies, and gave him enough time to do his hero thing. After about 5 hours straight, the Eagle noticed that he had crossed 8 town lines, and applied at over 50 jobs. So, he thought it'd be a good time to take a break. So, he took a seat on a park bench he came across, lit a cigarette, and fell asleep. Still smoking the cigarette properly, and putting it out when it was done. He dreamed of a shoreline, and a small suburban town where he had an unlimited supply of cigarettes and coffee. Where the birds chirped, and when they all chirped The Eagles name and sang nothing but Ice Cube all day. That's when he woke up to the sound of sirens coming close. He saw that there had been an accident, a major accident, and the ambulance and fire engines were stuck in traffic a distance away. So The Eagle, being The Eagle, sprung into action, and ran to the wreckage. When he got there, he heard a woman screaming, "MY BABY!!!!" so he tended to her first. When The Eagle got to the car, the lady said "My baby, my baby's in the tree up there. I hope he's still alive!! Please, will you save my baby?!" The Eagle didn't say a word, but took out his swiss army knife and began to cut the tree down. After about a minute, The Eagle had the tree ready to topple over, and tapped the tree, only to have it fall into the middle of the accident. But the baby, the baby, fell right into The Eagles hands, undamaged. The Eagle brought the baby back to the mother, who was now crying because the tree fell next to her car, knocking over her coffee. The Eagle could relate, so he helped her out of the car, and held her as she cried. He then realized he couldn't dare ask for the coffee. So when the mother turned to him and asked if there was anything she could do to repay him, he said "Just a pack of smokes would be fine." So, she bought The Eagle some cigarettes and with tears in her eyes, she handed it to him, thanking him over and over. The Eagle stopped her and said "Please. I wanted to. I'm sorry about your loss." The mother reflected on the times she had with her coffee, shed a single tear, and said "thank you" again. The Eagle turned around only to see pain and suffering everywhere, which, of course, he had to correct. So, he went through each car, pulling out each bloody victim, and placing them on a group of mattresses that spilled out onto the road from a delivery truck. When he was done, sweating, and his patented Eagle shawl covered in blood and oil, he took a seat on a piece of, what once was a motorcycle. The group of the hurt and wounded come over to him, and begin to thank him over and over. He smiled, and waited for the offering of cigarettes and coffee. Then the unthinkable happened, they thanked him, and then walked away. The Eagle, knowing that improperly saving people was his way to get cigarettes and coffee, knew that this was detrimental to his future as a passifist hero. I mean, what else did he ask for, nothing. He asked for NOTHING, and now these people think they can just dismiss the incredible good deed that has just been accomplished in their favor!!!! He sat, enraged, but motionless and silent. Then a little girl came over with a coffee and a carton of cigarettes. "Mr. Eagle?" He looked down, ready to strike, then realized it was a 6 yr old girl. "Yes little one." "Mr. Eagle" she says to him, she says "Mr. Eagle, my mommy's last wish was that you have these cigarettes and coffee for saving me and everyone else that made it." The Eagle just stared with a tear in his eye, "Thank you little one." Took the cigarettes, and coffee and began to walk away from another scene of absolute chaos, that he helped correct.
